Appendix 6: Text Events encoded as Evaluation - Text Making

134 david says "Yes, just did a long descr paragraph. Not great stuff, but a start. Please edit it."
135 Don says "So he walks into the cafe and sits down at a table to order something."
142 david says "He could order the food as he walks through the line. I did not do a good job of showing the cafeteria nature of the whole thing."
146 david says "But fiction need not mimick RL, eh? :-)"
147 Don says "God, I hope not."
166 david says "Perhaps Riverside should become Hillside, just to do the Blackbear thing."
167 Don nods, "Hillside sounds good.
171 david says "We could have the Old Hillside Cafe instead of The New Riverside Cafe."
172 Don says "That sounds better to me."
184 david thinks it must have been tastier than he thought ;-)
233 Don says "Something by the Band?"
234 Don says "Not too obvious, though."
237 david er, garden. Maybe too obvious, but he can focus his meditations on that...
251 Christine says "Damn! You guys have me pegged."
281 Don says "That sounds good to me...loss of ideals...big money."
282 Christine says "Yup."
290 Don says "Sounds like enough of a setup...Four characters? Him, the old girlfriend, the kid and the current SO?"
292 Don says "Ket's start in the cafe then...and dreop the drive up."
301 Don says "I was trying to figure out how to work the commune in...might require a crowd scene...and I'm awful at those."
304 Christine says "No crowds. We should focus on people."
313 david says "The commune is only in the background."
314 Don says "I like your descriptive paragraph...but tyere is a mob there."
316 david says "They run the cafe, she works there."
318 david says "They don't need to be detailed."
320 david says "Any cafe has the people who work there..."
321 Don says "So he walks in and sees the scene you've drawn...goes through the cafeteria line and spots his old girlfriend?"
323 david says "the customers, others who come and go"
334 david likes daughters, having two of his own./
337 david says "I don't think you get communes...she could be active in local resistance to the burner."
339 david says "She could be an elder of the tribe, so to speak."
340 david says "Maybe she longs to be a leader, burned out on all the egalitarian bs..."
341 david says "Sees how the commune is spinning its wheels, could be more effective with leadership..."
342 Don says "No, she is one...but getting tired of holding it all together?"
343 Don says "Tired of being mother to the clan...wants her own life...wants out...somehow?"
344 david says "defacto leader? Communes are supposed to be all equal (they never are, of course)"
345 Don says "Right...leads by force of personality."
346 david says "Better personality than mother....yes, I can groove on it"
347 david says "She's more like him than not"
385 Don says "I'm reading a printoput of Christine's edit."
387 Don says "Is there a way to break the paragraph in half?"
391 Christine says "I think I would have started it like this: The dirctions she had given him were clearn enough. Just as he turned off the freeway exit to the frontage road, the musci on the radio began to play ...."
446 Don says "Take a look...I wanted to start with him, instead of the description.
447 works by the way."
452 Christine says "It looks very good, Don."
453 Christine says "I thought later that the posters should be more subtle and just have apicture that later ties in with what they are talking about."
454 Christine says "Sorry to microedit."
455 Christine says "I would change the last sentence to introduce the child in the story."
458 david says "good point about the child. I do like getting it on with the character right away."
459 Don says "I like that, David."
460 Christine says "Yes, it still needs work because it sounds too much like stage directions."
462 Don says "Either one...but I was talking about the poster."
531 Christine says "Excellent, Don!"
532 Christine says "I think you caught the jist of it right away."
535 david says "Nice work Don."
538 Christine says "I don't think it neneds editing."
539 Christine says "I think we need the next paragraph."
540 david says "I'd tend to agree."